The Needs of Explorers and Elephants

I was chatting with one of my favorite people (I’ll call her B) yesterday about schools, and of course I was arguing that schools should be structured TOTALLY differently.  They should all allow for self-direction, agency, experiential learning, and ample physical activity.  B, with her incredible (and typical) insight, pointed out that this could be totally overwhelming and unhelpful for some kids.  Some kids actually do thrive from structure, order, and having clear instructions delivered verbally or written prior to applying knowledge to a task. 

This, people, is why we need community centers and opportunities to engage in discussion.  Of COURSE what she said made sense, but I wasn’t able to get there on my own because I was living life through my own lens and thinking only of the school design that would best suit my kiddo (and past me).  I am fortunate that B happens to also be a neighbor (buying this money pit of a house was totally worth it for this friendship!), so we regularly chat about education, psychology, whatever.  Our conversations go on so many tangents -- we keep joking that we should record ourselves and turn it into a podcast.

Anyway, another topic I’m becoming obsessed with thanks to B is the Big Five Personality Traits.  You can use the acronym OCEAN to remember them: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

As a parent, I absolutely think so much of my son’s personality was apparent at birth.  Naturally, nurture plays a role, too, but he has always been high in all five traits.  He is also curious, stubborn, and determined.  He loves to teach others, tends towards leadership in group settings (though I believe GOOD leadership requires MUCH training – it is such a problem that we think “innate leadership tendencies” are enough to promote someone into a management role without proper support and training…more on this later…), and he is deeply affected by injustices.  He is a Highly Sensitive Person, possesses strong musical abilities, and has high kinesthetic intelligence.

If I sound biased, well, duh.  I’m a parent. 

But I also try to be realistic.  Even though my son is very musical, I can’t imagine he’ll ever become a concert violinist.  He lacks discipline.  I suppose I could try to force discipline on him, but why?  What would be the point?  If he naturally gravitates towards creativity and breadth of knowledge rather than mastery, is that a bad thing?  I just think it makes more sense to meet him where he’s at, help him cultivate the abilities he cares most about, and encourage him to keep working on skills which, if improved, could provide him with more joy and a higher quality of life.  I have already seen how miserable he is when forced into a model of rigorous discipline; why try to make him something he’s not?

To be honest, I was the same way.  And yes, now I sound like I’m projecting myself on my kid, but you have to understand that both of us are much too stubborn to have our personalities totally determined by others.  We are who we are, and he just happens to be a lot like me (except I have ZERO athleticism and was a very shy kid around strangers!). 

As a storyteller by nature, I try to make sense of things through metaphors or alternative storylines.  Today I’ve been thinking about what type of person or animal I would be if born in different time period or animal form.

For example, if I had been born 500 years ago, I would have been an explorer.  When I was a kid, I said I wanted to be an explorer and one of my sisters told me that was impossible because everything had already been explored.  I wish I had known about archaeology, I feel like digging in the dirt and discovering things about ancient civilizations would have suited me well.  Or maybe I just really want to be Josh Gates.

Instead of physically exploring, in my current life I found a career in technical theatre, which requires exploration of the mind and materials.  My job required digging into scripts, analyzing history and psychology, and then innovating with materials.  I was always making new discoveries, just not out in jungles (and to be fair, I don’t deal well with mosquitoes, so I would have to avoid many parts of world).

If I’d been an animal, would I have been a worker bee?  Likely not - I like to experiment, and I question authority too much.  Though this is scientifically inaccurate, as I just googled; please remember that I’m just personifying animals for the sake of understanding myself, not for actually understanding the animals.

Like my son, I have an innate tendency towards leadership and teaching, but I do not align myself with any sort of “alpha” animal that rises to the top thanks to aggression and strength.  I believe in service leadership – my strengths as a leader come from my abilities to organize projects and listen to the needs of others, not an ability to exert power and make people listen to me.

I think I might be more like an elephant.  I do have a terrific memory for directions, and I’d rather think of myself as leading by achievement – sharing my knowledge (based on experience) is important to me, and only for the goal of helping others.

What would my son be?  It’s too soon to tell, he still has so much development to undergo, and so much more can happen with nurture in the coming decades.  But it is clear to me that he and other kids – starting around 2^nd grade – display tendencies towards personality types; could we, as B suggested yesterday, rethink education to tailor at least towards types?

For example, those kids who thrive on structure and learning objectives are more likely to become our physicians, concert violinists, and other invaluable professionals whose discipline and ordered thinking helps them excel in academically rigorous trajectories.  They keep our world running, allowing humanity to be human.  Give them what they need.

The more creative types, the ones who work best hands-on, figuring things out for themselves – they might be our innovators, the ones redesigning the world and helping humanity evolve.  Let them advocate for what they need.

And there have to be other types, too – and I don’t want to get too far into creating a whole new system of categories (as humans are apt to do).  I’m not interested in rebuilding The Giver (fabulous book, btw).  But the world also needs “regular” humans keeping our everyday lives running, allowing humanity to exist.  Why does it feel like we are sending the message – even in our schools – that it is shameful to end up in a service job?  Even in grade school, some teachers and parents are so concerned about educating all our kids to eventually go to college, when in reality, is that what we need? 

Do not shame their needs.

That’s another blog topic, though; I was probably considered a terrible college professor for believing that college should not be necessary for all humans.  And if you want to argue that college isn’t career prep (yeah, right) and the point is to cultivate well-rounded, informed citizens, I’ll counterargue that high school could be doing that.  Forget about college prep in high school and focus instead on developing adults who can thrive with or without a college degree.

Anyway.  I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a lot of questions.  Doesn’t it seem like there should be some way to alter the systemization of American education to still provide for the masses while simultaneously acknowledging that the masses don’t all want – or need – the same things?

I’ll stop here, even though I really want to go off on a tangent about the different education tracks in schools in France…and maybe those could start even earlier, but also how early is too early to determine a kid’s track without limiting their future…and how do we balance career prep with holistic human development...and couldn't we see them both as the same thing if we considered career prep part of nurturing both the individual human and all of humanity, rather than securing a financial future?

The questions and tangents continue…